Race Registration Fees

The trend, which is only going to increase, is for races to encourage online entry. There are some races where you don’t have a choice. Register online or don’t race. I understand the basic reasoning:

1. “Green” – no paper wasted

2. Volunteers or paid staff not needed to open and process hundreds of entry forms

3. No hectic last minute race day registration for participants, volunteers or the timing company

4. Easier to collect information from participants that can later be used to market directly to known customers

5. Transfer of data from electronic entries to timing database much easier than hand entry

6. Guaranteed money to use for expenses before the race

There are several companies offering online entry services; Active.com, Getmeregistered.com, raceorganizer.com and runsignup.com are four of the largest. The fee structures are a bit different for each of them, but know that they are all in the business to make money. Currently raceorganizer.com only charges $1 for any race. Most companies charge a graduated fee depending on the race registration cost, from $2.00 to a percentage if registration is over $50. Active.com is charging a 14% fee to register online for Johnny’s Running of the Green in Rochester (I chose the paper form and paid for the stamp, saving $6.00 for my wife and myself).

What do customers get in return for the fee of paying online? This is what I don’t understand. The privilege of paying by credit card instead of a check? Not standing in line for late registration? Most races charge extra for day-of registration, so it’s not like they are losing money on that.

The race scene has changed dramatically over the last ten years with many selling out in days, hours or even minutes of opening registration. I get that online is the only way to handle this scenario. But your local 5 mile race is going to add 14% to your race fee? That I don’t understand. If directors take away the option of paper entry then I have a choice – pay the fee or don’t race. There may be times where I choose not to race.

Father Time

Congratulations to our buddy Pete on running the Myrtle Beach Marathon in 3:52. There are many reasons why this is an incredible time. First off, Pete is close to 120 years old. I exaggerate...a little. 2nd, He runs a lot with no shoes. According to Mrs. L, he hardly wears shoes at all. Right now I am unsure if he ran barefoot, but even his "long run shoes" are little more than slippers with a $100 logo. Third, Pete had to do a lot of his training in the winter with us. It is cold, windy, icy, snowy, and his running partners, me being one, are not the most stimulating group to run with. The other day we spend an hour discussing Big Bang Theory and trying to remember the what the pretty lady's name is on Modern Family. Pete is lucky he stayed awake. Finally, 26.2 miles run in under 4 hours is hard! That is a long way to go without a horse or Mike's Amish buggy. Pete describes himself as a skinny old man, exactly what I want to be when I grow up. Nice job, Pete.

Honey You Shrunk My Suit

As I write this it is early February, 15 inches of snow on the ground and for the first time since August I decided to go swimming. The pool at Monroe Community College is open MWF from 12-1. All the lanes were full today, but I got there a few minutes early and snagged one.

While changing in the locker room I noticed my tri swim suit was a bit tighter than I remember. It didn’t take much string to tighten around my waist. Pulling up the trunks over my thighs took a bit more effort. What did Jan do to my suit? It’s been sitting in the dresser drawer for five months. Jan must have washed my suit last August and shrunk it! Darn her.

As I sucked in my gut and draped my towel discreetly over my shoulders across my bulging belly I realized Jan may not have shrunk the suit. Hmmm. Maybe the wine/Bourbon/cookie desserts have to be cut back? Wait now, maybe a few extra pounds will help with flotation and my legs won’t sink?

Turns out that wasn’t true either. I swam like a porpoise for 175 yards before swallowing two gallons of water and coming up spewing like Mt. Etna (except water instead of lava). From then on it was 50 yards of swimming and 30 seconds of gasping.

Thankfully that is about how I left swimming in August, so at least my technique and conditioning haven’t deteriorated!

If Only I Were Amish

We discuss many topics during a typical Saturday morning long run. Last week the conversation flowed seamlessly from work at Spacely Space Sprockets to retirement, health issues, sex, food, performance enhancing drugs, future racing plans and the virtues of being bald. We are truly renaissance men in running tights.
After a few miles I came up with the idea that Jan and I should become Amish. Mike W enthusiastically supported this idea and confirmed that with the appropriately trimmed beard I could make an excellent Amish man.
Think of the advantages if I were Amish! No more gasoline to buy at $3.80 a gallon. My daughter Andrea could take care of our horses.  We would own a neat black buggy to drive to races. No more expensive running clothes to buy. Jan would race in her long handmade skirt and I would have nice long pants.
The Amish seem to enjoy riding bikes, as do Jan and I. They have swimming ponds on their farms, perfect for people who like triathlons. We can grow our own organic fruits and vegetables and I can build crooked furniture. In our spare time we can have a still, make our own wine and sell Jan's quilts at a roadside stand.
You know, this started as a joke, but is sounding better as I continue to write. The next time you see me on the roads I may be chewing on a bit of straw!

Man Card

It is well known that all men are born with the mechanical genius gene, at least this is how we are stereotyped in American society today. The Man Card is given out before the baby leaves the hospital.


Men should automatically be able to fix bicycles, cars, washers, run electric throughout a house, repair any plumbing problem and build walls. Real men may have never operated a backhoe, but can rent one, take it home and dig a trench perfectly angled and slightly sloped to lay drainage pipes.

Unfortunately I was not born with this gene. If I had a man card it was taken away long ago, maybe destroyed at birth once the doctor took a good look at me? This weekend I went to clean out a slow moving drain in our bathroom. An easy fix, one that I’ve done several times in the past. It should take maybe an hour. Just remove the stopper from under the sink, clean it and put it all together again. Easy Peazy.

Three wrenches, a pair of pliers, several key swear words, some self-pity and an hour later I had the stopper out, along with all the piping leading from the sink to the last s-turn. Parts and tools were laying everywhere. Oh, and the mess from water that spilled out.

I diligently cleaned the stopper worried the entire time how I was going to get this back together again. After a break to build up my courage I attacked the pipes. The first piece would not go in straight and refused to be screwed together. Finally I got all three pieces lined up, the stopper in and turned on the water. It dripped profusely from the screw closest to the sink. I grabbed another man-sized wrench and cranked the bastard. Turned on the water and watched it leak. I repeated the cycle.

Our plumber is fantastic. He comes on time, does great work, charges a fair price and has a reasonably flexible schedule. Mike (a good name for a plumber) came over Sunday after he was done with church, no doubt praying for strength to fix my problems once again. Mike thinks he should be invited to Thanksgiving dinner at our house since he comes over so much anyhow.

Mike asked for my man card. I told him it was already taken away and I was attempting to earn a new one. Mike laughed and told me he’d be back on Monday with new parts to replace the ones I broke.

After trying to nap my blues away I got on my bike in the basement and rode. Then it was time for wine. Maybe next time I’ll just call a man with the gene intact and save myself some aggravation.

I Want a New Body!

Song parody - based on Huey Lewis and the News.
 (I think Mike W and Lou are in the Tower of Power horn section)

I want a new body
One that moves real fast
One that won't make me feel so old
Or make my legs feel like bricks at mile twenty-six

I want a new body
One that won't hurt my head
When I look in the mirror
And see Frankenstein’s forehead

One that won't make me nervous
Wondering what to do
The morning of a race
Among thousands of strange faces
looking for you.

I want a new body
One that won't leak
One that won't sweat so much
Leaving puddles in its’ wake

I want a new body
One without any flab
One that won't keep me up all night
One that won't make me sleep all day

One that won't make me nervous
Wondering what to do
One that makes me feel like I feel when
I'm with you
When I'm alone with you
I'm alone with you baby

I want a new body
One that does what it should
One that won't make me feel too bad
One that won't make me feel too good

I want a new body
Like the Man of Steel
One with Captain America biceps
Sprinting like a spirited steed

One that won't make me nervous
Wondering what to do
One that makes me feel like I feel when
I'm with you
I'm alone with you
I'm alone with you, yeah, yeah
One that makes me feel like I feel when
I'm with you
When I'm alone with you

Armstrong Confessions

10 Random Thoughts About the Lance Armstrong Confessions:

1. I am too manly to watch the Oprah Network. I went to Geva yesterday to see a musical.

2. I confess to be under the influence of Utica Club when I got the courage to approach Eileen in 1974.

3. Was Lance’s confession sponsored by 5 Hour Energy, Cialis, or Dewars?

4. I admit that before my 6,786 finish in the 2003 Boston Marathon I had a cup of coffee.

5. I believe Lance was innocent all along and is faking his cheating for publicity.

6. I think my doctor use PED’s during his internship.

7. From 1968 to 1974 all my girlfriends were imaginary.

8. If Lance confessed to Oprah, who does a guy like me confess to? The editor of the Suburban News?

9. I bullied Mike. Twice I lied to him before races and said “yes, those shorts make your butt look big.”

10. I feel so much better after coming clean. Now I can start lying with a clean slate.

Mike Weinpress