A close relative of mine (a daughter living in Alabama perhaps?) has always been fascinated and drawn to animals, and they to her. Anyone who owns two horses, four dogs, two cats and one turtle (was two, but the small one scampered away. A turtle scampering away might be the subject of a future blog article) must love animals.
Andrea...whoops... I mean "this relative", is known to run on the roads near her home. A couple of nights ago two puppies ran up to her, no collars or id's, one was injured and they followed along. Andrea tried to find their home but couldn't. She couldn't just leave them so in the car the puppies went and to the emergency vet clinic.
This incident made Andrea think about whether running is really healthy for her or not. She came up with a top ten list of the bad things running does:
1. Shin Splints
2. Worrying it’s not a shin splint but rather reinjuring my whatever that broke.
3. Being chased by dogs (although this could potentially help with my speed)
4. Having friendly dogs run up that ask me to stop and pet them.
5. Having friendly, injured, homeless dogs run up to me that need my help (although carrying them home is a good way to end the workout).
6. Jumping into the middle of the street to avoid the scary rabbit, bird or plastic bag that made a noise in the bushes. (and I wonder why my horse spooks on trails)
7. Large jeeps with 6 ft confederate flags intentionally driving/beeping at you.
8. Fire ant hills on the side of the road as you leap into the grass to avoid above vehicle.
9. My dog goes crazy if I don’t take him, more to worry about when I do when having to deal with #3.
10. It’s too cold now. It will be too hot in a month.
Andrea has one reason to keep running:
1. Despite all the crap I ate yesterday, I still lost a pound. (I think it’s from #5).
Too cold to Andrea means below 50, in Rochester we would be in shorts and singlets with suntan lotion on.
Oh, new homes are being found for the puppies, not at Andrea's or my house!
The Erie Canal, Running Paradise
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Thursday, March 21, 2013
News Flash - NY Yankees Replacements
Years ago a movie was made about football players who replaced Dallas Cowboy players during a strike or something. I think Keanu Reeves played QB?
Anyhow, the New York Yankees are hurting. Their best relief pitcher is 67 years old and coming off a leg injury. Derek (I'm so beautiful) Jeter is 38 and may not start opening day because his ankle isn't fully healed. They have no catcher worthy of naming. A-Rod (never saw a PED I didn't like) will be out until summer, Texiera injured and out till June, pitcher Pettitte (maybe I'm retired, maybe not) is ancient and Sabathia is signing up for the Biggest Loser weight loss show. Speedy Gardner is just coming back from a year long injury... and the woes go on throughout the lineup.
Sals is coming to the rescue. That's right! Here's the lineup;
Right Field - Eileen "nothing gets by me" W.
Center Field - Al "they call me Sunshine"
Left Field - Mike "all thumbs" McCullough
First Base - Jan "Glove Like Glue" McCullough
Second Base - Lou "Quiz Master" Katz
Shortstop - Rick "I'm Retiring and You're not" Merritt
Third Base - Frank "strongarm" Q.
Catcher - Pete "Barefoot" Leonard (making baseball history, only barefoot catcher ever!)
Ace Pitcher - Mike "I still got the heat, baby" W.
Really, I don't think this is much of a downgrade from what the Yankees will have in their starting lineup.
Anyhow, the New York Yankees are hurting. Their best relief pitcher is 67 years old and coming off a leg injury. Derek (I'm so beautiful) Jeter is 38 and may not start opening day because his ankle isn't fully healed. They have no catcher worthy of naming. A-Rod (never saw a PED I didn't like) will be out until summer, Texiera injured and out till June, pitcher Pettitte (maybe I'm retired, maybe not) is ancient and Sabathia is signing up for the Biggest Loser weight loss show. Speedy Gardner is just coming back from a year long injury... and the woes go on throughout the lineup.
Sals is coming to the rescue. That's right! Here's the lineup;
Right Field - Eileen "nothing gets by me" W.
Center Field - Al "they call me Sunshine"
Left Field - Mike "all thumbs" McCullough
First Base - Jan "Glove Like Glue" McCullough
Second Base - Lou "Quiz Master" Katz
Shortstop - Rick "I'm Retiring and You're not" Merritt
Third Base - Frank "strongarm" Q.
Catcher - Pete "Barefoot" Leonard (making baseball history, only barefoot catcher ever!)
Ace Pitcher - Mike "I still got the heat, baby" W.
Really, I don't think this is much of a downgrade from what the Yankees will have in their starting lineup.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Lift, Tuck, Strip, Pluck
Sitting at my work desk this morning with two co-workers nearby in their respective cells/cubicles, I was embarrassed when my stomach began loudly growling. There is a chance the sound didn't travel from my cube, but I can't be sure.
Quickly I pulled my big box of Corn Chex out from a file cabinet and began munching. I drank a lot of water. Thirty minutes later my stomach began complaining again. What to do? I decided to suck on my last piece of hard butterscotch candy. Ten minutes later I was grabbing my stomach and squeezing it to get the noise to stop.
And this is the crux of the problem! I'm a runner, a sometime swimmer, biker, weightlifter. Why do I have a belly to grab? Last year there was maybe a hint of a belly, I would be grabbing internal organs. A few years ago, no belly. Just flat skin, size 32 pants falling off, looking for a new belt buckle hole to tighten things up.
Now...I'm looking for a new belt buckle hole to loosen things up. What happened?
I saw a reflection of my face as the computer was booting up in the library classroom, the lighting apparently better than that at home in front of a mirror. My skin was sagging, I pulled it some, it sagged other places so I pulled more.
That's when it came to me. I need to be re-invented. My diet apparently isn't working as I'm still 5-10 pounds over a decent racing weight. The hundreds of situps (okay, 100) I do hasn't seemed to effect the belly muscles. So...I'm going to use our retirement fund to;
1. Liposuction belly fat.
2. Laser hair removal from body.
3. Hair addition/replacement on head (with dye).
4. Varicose veins stripped.
5. Face lifted.
These five things should make me the man Jan always wanted me to be and maybe was 25 years ago.
Quickly I pulled my big box of Corn Chex out from a file cabinet and began munching. I drank a lot of water. Thirty minutes later my stomach began complaining again. What to do? I decided to suck on my last piece of hard butterscotch candy. Ten minutes later I was grabbing my stomach and squeezing it to get the noise to stop.
And this is the crux of the problem! I'm a runner, a sometime swimmer, biker, weightlifter. Why do I have a belly to grab? Last year there was maybe a hint of a belly, I would be grabbing internal organs. A few years ago, no belly. Just flat skin, size 32 pants falling off, looking for a new belt buckle hole to tighten things up.
Now...I'm looking for a new belt buckle hole to loosen things up. What happened?
I saw a reflection of my face as the computer was booting up in the library classroom, the lighting apparently better than that at home in front of a mirror. My skin was sagging, I pulled it some, it sagged other places so I pulled more.
That's when it came to me. I need to be re-invented. My diet apparently isn't working as I'm still 5-10 pounds over a decent racing weight. The hundreds of situps (okay, 100) I do hasn't seemed to effect the belly muscles. So...I'm going to use our retirement fund to;
1. Liposuction belly fat.
2. Laser hair removal from body.
3. Hair addition/replacement on head (with dye).
4. Varicose veins stripped.
5. Face lifted.
These five things should make me the man Jan always wanted me to be and maybe was 25 years ago.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Banning Cell Phones?
Apparently some companies are banning the use of personal cell phones except for emergencies. Here are ten reasons Mike W's place of work might ban cell phones;
1. Mike’s cell phone is a replica of Jerry Seinfeld’s in the early 90’s episodes. His pants fall down whenever he hooks the phone to his belt buckle. This is really bad on those mornings he forgets to put on his underwear.
2. Mike disturbed his co-workers by walking the halls talking loudly to the pizza delivery guy every afternoon.
3. Mike’s cell phone ringtone for Eileen is KC and the Sunshine Band’s song “Get Down Tonight”, which is okay until he begins disco dancing in his cubicle every time she calls.
4. Mike got caught playing fantasy baseball on the cell during meetings.
5. Mike accidently left his phone inside one of his company’s spy satellites. The satellite crash landed in Russia when the phone disrupted some controls inside. The Russian Secret Service keeps calling Mike looking to buy more satellites.
6. Mike tried to text and walk down the hallway and knocked down his boss.
7. Mike’s Tweet followers outnumbered his company’s and they got upset. 4 followers?
8. In a cost-cutting move Mike’s company installed phone booths at the end of hallways and removed everyone’s desk phone and banned cell phones. Employees have to pay a quarter each time they make a call. The company’s stock shot up by .3 cents!
9. Mike keeps walking down the hall saying, “can you hear me now?” Coworkers all yell back, “of course we can, shut up”!! (from Lou)
10. Mike, ever the fashionista, kept comparing his cell phone cover to his co-workers. “Oh, aren’t these colors great?” “Where did you get that graphic?” “I like how that cover matches your shirt”. This was tolerated until his Powerpoint presentation at the last divisional meeting. Now all cell phones are banned.
1. Mike’s cell phone is a replica of Jerry Seinfeld’s in the early 90’s episodes. His pants fall down whenever he hooks the phone to his belt buckle. This is really bad on those mornings he forgets to put on his underwear.
2. Mike disturbed his co-workers by walking the halls talking loudly to the pizza delivery guy every afternoon.
3. Mike’s cell phone ringtone for Eileen is KC and the Sunshine Band’s song “Get Down Tonight”, which is okay until he begins disco dancing in his cubicle every time she calls.
4. Mike got caught playing fantasy baseball on the cell during meetings.
5. Mike accidently left his phone inside one of his company’s spy satellites. The satellite crash landed in Russia when the phone disrupted some controls inside. The Russian Secret Service keeps calling Mike looking to buy more satellites.
6. Mike tried to text and walk down the hallway and knocked down his boss.
7. Mike’s Tweet followers outnumbered his company’s and they got upset. 4 followers?
8. In a cost-cutting move Mike’s company installed phone booths at the end of hallways and removed everyone’s desk phone and banned cell phones. Employees have to pay a quarter each time they make a call. The company’s stock shot up by .3 cents!
9. Mike keeps walking down the hall saying, “can you hear me now?” Coworkers all yell back, “of course we can, shut up”!! (from Lou)
10. Mike, ever the fashionista, kept comparing his cell phone cover to his co-workers. “Oh, aren’t these colors great?” “Where did you get that graphic?” “I like how that cover matches your shirt”. This was tolerated until his Powerpoint presentation at the last divisional meeting. Now all cell phones are banned.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)