Years ago a movie was made about football players who replaced Dallas Cowboy players during a strike or something. I think Keanu Reeves played QB?
Anyhow, the New York Yankees are hurting. Their best relief pitcher is 67 years old and coming off a leg injury. Derek (I'm so beautiful) Jeter is 38 and may not start opening day because his ankle isn't fully healed. They have no catcher worthy of naming. A-Rod (never saw a PED I didn't like) will be out until summer, Texiera injured and out till June, pitcher Pettitte (maybe I'm retired, maybe not) is ancient and Sabathia is signing up for the Biggest Loser weight loss show. Speedy Gardner is just coming back from a year long injury... and the woes go on throughout the lineup.
Sals is coming to the rescue. That's right! Here's the lineup;
Right Field - Eileen "nothing gets by me" W.
Center Field - Al "they call me Sunshine"
Left Field - Mike "all thumbs" McCullough
First Base - Jan "Glove Like Glue" McCullough
Second Base - Lou "Quiz Master" Katz
Shortstop - Rick "I'm Retiring and You're not" Merritt
Third Base - Frank "strongarm" Q.
Catcher - Pete "Barefoot" Leonard (making baseball history, only barefoot catcher ever!)
Ace Pitcher - Mike "I still got the heat, baby" W.
Really, I don't think this is much of a downgrade from what the Yankees will have in their starting lineup.
The Erie Canal, Running Paradise
Showing posts with label Baseball. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Baseball. Show all posts
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Friday, July 30, 2010
Baseball Junk
Baseball has some strange names and a weird culture.
a. Why a "walkoff" home run, or "walkoff single"? How about something more normal and obvious, like Game Winning?
b. Sacrifice fly. What, they killed a goat in the field? Where's the barbeque?
c. They touch themselves entirely too much in areas I don't want to see them touching. People made a big deal out of Michael Jackson grabbing his crotch during songs. Watch a ball game and this is a common occurrence. Just keep your hands where they belong, which is to say, not in your pants during a game. And why do the tv cameras always have to show this? That's a bit weird too.
d. Spitting. Stop showing the dugout, please. Especially the managers. I don't want to ever have the job of cleaning a dugout and will never walk in front of one. Gross.
e. Do you really need to chew THAT much gum? Good, tobacco use seems to pretty much be done, but c'mon, can't you just have one piece of gum in there instead of the pack! Save some for others you hogs.
f. Seeds. Okay, you aren't a tobacco or gum chewer so you eat some kind of seed that involves spitting out the shell. Are you a pidgeon? Enough with the spitting already, again always on tv. If you are hungry go get a hot dog.
g. A-Rod is going to hit his 600th homerun soon. The media says no one cares because he admits to using drugs for a few years. I don't believe this argument. Everyone loved the battles between Bonds, Sosa and McGwire. Maybe A-Rod isn't getting the attention because he only has about 20 homers this year? I bet if he were up in the 40-60 range, or had a legit shot at that, the interest would really be there.
h. I hate this play; A possible base stealer is on first base and the pitcher lobs the ball to first so the runner doesn't take such a big lead. If you are going to throw to first, throw darnit, don't lob it like a tennis ball. The game could be sped up by giving a penalty to the pitcher for making a such a ridiculous toss.
i. How come the tv cameras don't scan the crowds and show all the beautiful women watching the game? Every other sport does this. Are there no women there? If not, maybe it's because they don't want to see the spitting or crotch grabbing?
j. Cheerleaders, where are they? Football and basketball, our two biggest sports, have cheerleaders. Why not baseball? That would give the cameras something to focus on when the pitcher takes too long to throw or there is a big meeting at the mound.
k. Which brings up my last point. Do you really need to hide your mouth behind your glove? Who in God's name is reading your lips? Just stop the insanity.
a. Why a "walkoff" home run, or "walkoff single"? How about something more normal and obvious, like Game Winning?
b. Sacrifice fly. What, they killed a goat in the field? Where's the barbeque?
c. They touch themselves entirely too much in areas I don't want to see them touching. People made a big deal out of Michael Jackson grabbing his crotch during songs. Watch a ball game and this is a common occurrence. Just keep your hands where they belong, which is to say, not in your pants during a game. And why do the tv cameras always have to show this? That's a bit weird too.
d. Spitting. Stop showing the dugout, please. Especially the managers. I don't want to ever have the job of cleaning a dugout and will never walk in front of one. Gross.
e. Do you really need to chew THAT much gum? Good, tobacco use seems to pretty much be done, but c'mon, can't you just have one piece of gum in there instead of the pack! Save some for others you hogs.
f. Seeds. Okay, you aren't a tobacco or gum chewer so you eat some kind of seed that involves spitting out the shell. Are you a pidgeon? Enough with the spitting already, again always on tv. If you are hungry go get a hot dog.
g. A-Rod is going to hit his 600th homerun soon. The media says no one cares because he admits to using drugs for a few years. I don't believe this argument. Everyone loved the battles between Bonds, Sosa and McGwire. Maybe A-Rod isn't getting the attention because he only has about 20 homers this year? I bet if he were up in the 40-60 range, or had a legit shot at that, the interest would really be there.
h. I hate this play; A possible base stealer is on first base and the pitcher lobs the ball to first so the runner doesn't take such a big lead. If you are going to throw to first, throw darnit, don't lob it like a tennis ball. The game could be sped up by giving a penalty to the pitcher for making a such a ridiculous toss.
i. How come the tv cameras don't scan the crowds and show all the beautiful women watching the game? Every other sport does this. Are there no women there? If not, maybe it's because they don't want to see the spitting or crotch grabbing?
j. Cheerleaders, where are they? Football and basketball, our two biggest sports, have cheerleaders. Why not baseball? That would give the cameras something to focus on when the pitcher takes too long to throw or there is a big meeting at the mound.
k. Which brings up my last point. Do you really need to hide your mouth behind your glove? Who in God's name is reading your lips? Just stop the insanity.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)