It is well known that all men are born with the mechanical genius gene, at least this is how we are stereotyped in American society today. The Man Card is given out before the baby leaves the hospital.
Men should automatically be able to fix bicycles, cars, washers, run electric throughout a house, repair any plumbing problem and build walls. Real men may have never operated a backhoe, but can rent one, take it home and dig a trench perfectly angled and slightly sloped to lay drainage pipes.
Unfortunately I was not born with this gene. If I had a man card it was taken away long ago, maybe destroyed at birth once the doctor took a good look at me? This weekend I went to clean out a slow moving drain in our bathroom. An easy fix, one that I’ve done several times in the past. It should take maybe an hour. Just remove the stopper from under the sink, clean it and put it all together again. Easy Peazy.
Three wrenches, a pair of pliers, several key swear words, some self-pity and an hour later I had the stopper out, along with all the piping leading from the sink to the last s-turn. Parts and tools were laying everywhere. Oh, and the mess from water that spilled out.
I diligently cleaned the stopper worried the entire time how I was going to get this back together again. After a break to build up my courage I attacked the pipes. The first piece would not go in straight and refused to be screwed together. Finally I got all three pieces lined up, the stopper in and turned on the water. It dripped profusely from the screw closest to the sink. I grabbed another man-sized wrench and cranked the bastard. Turned on the water and watched it leak. I repeated the cycle.
Our plumber is fantastic. He comes on time, does great work, charges a fair price and has a reasonably flexible schedule. Mike (a good name for a plumber) came over Sunday after he was done with church, no doubt praying for strength to fix my problems once again. Mike thinks he should be invited to Thanksgiving dinner at our house since he comes over so much anyhow.
Mike asked for my man card. I told him it was already taken away and I was attempting to earn a new one. Mike laughed and told me he’d be back on Monday with new parts to replace the ones I broke.
After trying to nap my blues away I got on my bike in the basement and rode. Then it was time for wine. Maybe next time I’ll just call a man with the gene intact and save myself some aggravation.
The Erie Canal, Running Paradise
Monday, January 28, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
I Want a New Body!
Song parody - based on Huey Lewis and the News.
(I think Mike W and Lou are in the Tower of Power horn section)
I want a new body
One that moves real fast
One that won't make me feel so old
Or make my legs feel like bricks at mile twenty-six
I want a new body
One that won't hurt my head
When I look in the mirror
And see Frankenstein’s forehead
One that won't make me nervous
Wondering what to do
The morning of a race
Among thousands of strange faces
looking for you.
I want a new body
One that won't leak
One that won't sweat so much
Leaving puddles in its’ wake
I want a new body
One without any flab
One that won't keep me up all night
One that won't make me sleep all day
One that won't make me nervous
Wondering what to do
One that makes me feel like I feel when
I'm with you
When I'm alone with you
I'm alone with you baby
I want a new body
One that does what it should
One that won't make me feel too bad
One that won't make me feel too good
I want a new body
Like the Man of Steel
One with Captain America biceps
Sprinting like a spirited steed
One that won't make me nervous
Wondering what to do
One that makes me feel like I feel when
I'm with you
I'm alone with you
I'm alone with you, yeah, yeah
One that makes me feel like I feel when
I'm with you
When I'm alone with you
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Armstrong Confessions
10 Random Thoughts About the Lance Armstrong Confessions:
1. I am too manly to watch the Oprah Network. I went to Geva yesterday to see a musical.
2. I confess to be under the influence of Utica Club when I got the courage to approach Eileen in 1974.
3. Was Lance’s confession sponsored by 5 Hour Energy, Cialis, or Dewars?
4. I admit that before my 6,786 finish in the 2003 Boston Marathon I had a cup of coffee.
5. I believe Lance was innocent all along and is faking his cheating for publicity.
6. I think my doctor use PED’s during his internship.
7. From 1968 to 1974 all my girlfriends were imaginary.
8. If Lance confessed to Oprah, who does a guy like me confess to? The editor of the Suburban News?
9. I bullied Mike. Twice I lied to him before races and said “yes, those shorts make your butt look big.”
10. I feel so much better after coming clean. Now I can start lying with a clean slate.
Mike Weinpress
1. I am too manly to watch the Oprah Network. I went to Geva yesterday to see a musical.
2. I confess to be under the influence of Utica Club when I got the courage to approach Eileen in 1974.
3. Was Lance’s confession sponsored by 5 Hour Energy, Cialis, or Dewars?
4. I admit that before my 6,786 finish in the 2003 Boston Marathon I had a cup of coffee.
5. I believe Lance was innocent all along and is faking his cheating for publicity.
6. I think my doctor use PED’s during his internship.
7. From 1968 to 1974 all my girlfriends were imaginary.
8. If Lance confessed to Oprah, who does a guy like me confess to? The editor of the Suburban News?
9. I bullied Mike. Twice I lied to him before races and said “yes, those shorts make your butt look big.”
10. I feel so much better after coming clean. Now I can start lying with a clean slate.
Mike Weinpress
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Top 10 Things About Lance
1. If I raced against him and was clean I wouldn’t forgive him.
2. If I was on his team and bullied by him I wouldn’t forgive him.
3. If he was my son I would forgive him and not return the great presents he gave me.
4. If I was a beneficiary of Livestrong and my health improved as a result I would forgive him and still admire him.
5. If I bought something with his name on it and paid extra, I’d be a little miffed but I would get over it. He didn’t make me buy the Lance-O-Matic.
6. If I paid him millions to endorse my products I should have known he was cheating. I would not forgive myself. But I probably wouldn’t return the money I made off of him.
7. If I was involved with bike racing and knew he was cheating and did nothing about it I would keep my mouth shut.
8. If I was a government employee spending a ton of the public’s money trying to investigate him I would find something better to do for America.
9. If I was a Lance fan and believed him when he said he was clean I would never forgive him and make more worthy people, like my parents, my heroes.
10. If I was an old runner/triathlete who likes to watch some racing I would realize that there is good and bad in all of us and that I have my own life which should not be so affected by TV stars, athletes, and politicians. I would move on and be thankful for being an anonymous regular guy.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Where's My Money?
I want a refund!
Rumors are strong that Lance Armstrong will admit this Thursday, January 17, during an interview with Oprah, that he did use Performance Enhancing Drugs.
If this is true it seems that everyone wants to sue Lance.
The general public has short memories and seem to think Lance is the first athlete to have used PED's. This is nonsense.
I want Barry Bonds to give money back to all the baseball fans who watched him hit the long ball and break records. I want MLB to give me a refund for the games I watched on television where many players doped and the league did little to stop it. Oh, and Barry still won't admit to drug use.
The NFL average player size was about 240 lbs in the 1970's. It was extremely unusual to have a player over 290 and 300 was just crazy. Now an offensive/defensive lineman averages 300 or more and many running backs are 220+. The league is more popular than ever. Do you really believe this size difference is all through training?
Kenyan runners dominate long distance events. Hmmm, yes they inherently have many attributes that make a good runner, but do you think training in a country where testing is non-existent might help? When a Kenyan goes off to Europe at certain times during the year is it just for training or maybe a little medicinal assistance?
Floyd Landis may sue Lance if the rumors are true. I could understand some of Floyd's frustration the way he was maligned by many after his own PED use. However, Floyd also enjoyed a high standard of living while a teammate of Lance and never came forward. Until, that is, Floyd got booted out after winning the Tour de France and testing positive. Then the drug use was all Lance's fault. Ridiculous. Lance wasn't in the Tour when Floyd won. He didn't make Floyd take the drugs then.
What is the answer to PED use in athletics? That's what we have to really examine. It's not going away even with better testing techniques.
Rumors are strong that Lance Armstrong will admit this Thursday, January 17, during an interview with Oprah, that he did use Performance Enhancing Drugs.
If this is true it seems that everyone wants to sue Lance.
The general public has short memories and seem to think Lance is the first athlete to have used PED's. This is nonsense.
I want Barry Bonds to give money back to all the baseball fans who watched him hit the long ball and break records. I want MLB to give me a refund for the games I watched on television where many players doped and the league did little to stop it. Oh, and Barry still won't admit to drug use.
The NFL average player size was about 240 lbs in the 1970's. It was extremely unusual to have a player over 290 and 300 was just crazy. Now an offensive/defensive lineman averages 300 or more and many running backs are 220+. The league is more popular than ever. Do you really believe this size difference is all through training?
Kenyan runners dominate long distance events. Hmmm, yes they inherently have many attributes that make a good runner, but do you think training in a country where testing is non-existent might help? When a Kenyan goes off to Europe at certain times during the year is it just for training or maybe a little medicinal assistance?
Floyd Landis may sue Lance if the rumors are true. I could understand some of Floyd's frustration the way he was maligned by many after his own PED use. However, Floyd also enjoyed a high standard of living while a teammate of Lance and never came forward. Until, that is, Floyd got booted out after winning the Tour de France and testing positive. Then the drug use was all Lance's fault. Ridiculous. Lance wasn't in the Tour when Floyd won. He didn't make Floyd take the drugs then.
What is the answer to PED use in athletics? That's what we have to really examine. It's not going away even with better testing techniques.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
My First Blog
Thank you Mike for letting me join your blog. I am not as savvy as you when working on the world wide web but look forward to our honest and heart felt dialogs.
That said, today was a great race. I got a good race in. My New Year's resolution was to run at least one race per month. I beat Mike McFreezeroo which is always a joy but is getting harder and definitely takes more time, and while talking about the race with Mike, Lou, and Pete a nice guy places a pizza right in front of us. It was a Freezeroo Trifecta!
The course was fairly flat and fast. A couple of hills but nothing that made me go into a wein whine. The weather was goofy. When was the last time a January race had temps in the 40's. I wore shorts. Not a good idea as the sun reflected off my legs and head creating a driving hazard.
Tomorrow will be fun, too because we will get together with the group for an easy long run and rehash the race like a couple of old pinochle players reviewing each hand.
First blog ever. Done. Need a nap now.
That said, today was a great race. I got a good race in. My New Year's resolution was to run at least one race per month. I beat Mike McFreezeroo which is always a joy but is getting harder and definitely takes more time, and while talking about the race with Mike, Lou, and Pete a nice guy places a pizza right in front of us. It was a Freezeroo Trifecta!
The course was fairly flat and fast. A couple of hills but nothing that made me go into a wein whine. The weather was goofy. When was the last time a January race had temps in the 40's. I wore shorts. Not a good idea as the sun reflected off my legs and head creating a driving hazard.
Tomorrow will be fun, too because we will get together with the group for an easy long run and rehash the race like a couple of old pinochle players reviewing each hand.
First blog ever. Done. Need a nap now.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Kenyan Runner Gets Tackled in Race
Similar to tactics Mike W. uses in advancing his place in races, a Kenyan runner was taken off the course by a spectator while leading the race. The spectator is obviously deranged, fortunately the motorcycle police were right there.
Rumor has it Mike likes to hire thugs to take out his opponents too. This Kenyan, Edwin Rotich, still managed to win the race.
Rumor has it Mike likes to hire thugs to take out his opponents too. This Kenyan, Edwin Rotich, still managed to win the race.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Looking Back, Looking Ahead
I had many running goals for 2012 but really met only two of them; completing my first (and last) half-ironman and my fifth (and last) Marine Corps Marathon. MCM was also the 19th marathon I completed (and last). I also finished fourth in the Rochester Runner of the Year contest, which was nice. (Jan and Pete also finished fourth. Top five get awards).
The marathon has always been a challenging distance for me, at least to complete it at the pace I wanted. My goal was always to qualify for Boston and many times run much faster than the necessary time required. This usually resulted in me not reaching either time goal. I made the BQ time once and ran the 1996 Boston Marathon. If you look at the race time prediction charts none of my marathon times match up to what the charts said I was capable of running. This includes when I used to run 37-39 minute 10k's to the 45-49 minute 10k's I run now.
Since ultra-distance races (which I consider anything longer than the Olympic distance triathlon and half-marathons in running) are out of my future plans, here, finally, are my sports goals for 2013.
1. Beat Mike Weinpress in every race we compete in. He has been a training partner, racing nemesis and friend for longer than we can remember. I think we both had hair on our heads when we began running. Despite this I still enjoy beating him in a race and know I had a good race when this does happen. 2013 will be the year of "beat MW".
2. Train for and run a "fast" mile on the track. In 30 years of running I never trained specifically for the mile and my fastest ever was a 5:13, though there were a few times I ran in the 5:20's during longer races. I'm spending the next eight weeks or so doing just that. Fast now means under 6 minutes. This training will leap-frog me into faster 5k's -10k's for 2013.
3. Run under 7 minutes a mile at races in the 5k-5 mile distances and 45 minutes or less in at least one 10k.
4. Bench press 200lb 4x on my home gym weight machine. My best ever is 200lb one time.
5. Beat Amanda and Jan on our virtual bike trip to Oregon - 3,000 miles.
6. Commute to and/or from work by bike more often, at least 1x per week when weather allows.
7. Lose at least 6lbs. During a recent physical exam my doctor said I was in good shape, but noted 5 years ago they weighed me in at 170 and 3 years before that 162. Dr. Sarnov said I must have been training hard for some race to be 162. That was the year I missed a BQ time at MCM by 63 seconds and ran the Philadelphia Marathon 4 weeks later, missing BQ by 10 minutes. He laughed when I said I knew I was fat and needed to lose weight.
That's all the goals for now. Feel free to share one or more of your goals.
The marathon has always been a challenging distance for me, at least to complete it at the pace I wanted. My goal was always to qualify for Boston and many times run much faster than the necessary time required. This usually resulted in me not reaching either time goal. I made the BQ time once and ran the 1996 Boston Marathon. If you look at the race time prediction charts none of my marathon times match up to what the charts said I was capable of running. This includes when I used to run 37-39 minute 10k's to the 45-49 minute 10k's I run now.
Since ultra-distance races (which I consider anything longer than the Olympic distance triathlon and half-marathons in running) are out of my future plans, here, finally, are my sports goals for 2013.
1. Beat Mike Weinpress in every race we compete in. He has been a training partner, racing nemesis and friend for longer than we can remember. I think we both had hair on our heads when we began running. Despite this I still enjoy beating him in a race and know I had a good race when this does happen. 2013 will be the year of "beat MW".
2. Train for and run a "fast" mile on the track. In 30 years of running I never trained specifically for the mile and my fastest ever was a 5:13, though there were a few times I ran in the 5:20's during longer races. I'm spending the next eight weeks or so doing just that. Fast now means under 6 minutes. This training will leap-frog me into faster 5k's -10k's for 2013.
3. Run under 7 minutes a mile at races in the 5k-5 mile distances and 45 minutes or less in at least one 10k.
4. Bench press 200lb 4x on my home gym weight machine. My best ever is 200lb one time.
5. Beat Amanda and Jan on our virtual bike trip to Oregon - 3,000 miles.
6. Commute to and/or from work by bike more often, at least 1x per week when weather allows.
7. Lose at least 6lbs. During a recent physical exam my doctor said I was in good shape, but noted 5 years ago they weighed me in at 170 and 3 years before that 162. Dr. Sarnov said I must have been training hard for some race to be 162. That was the year I missed a BQ time at MCM by 63 seconds and ran the Philadelphia Marathon 4 weeks later, missing BQ by 10 minutes. He laughed when I said I knew I was fat and needed to lose weight.
That's all the goals for now. Feel free to share one or more of your goals.
First Grandchild!
Not wanting to wait and share a birthday with her grandfather (taking after her mother, who came a day after her grandpa's birthday) Ellowyn Fairamay McCullough-Davis was born on November 21, 2012.
In this photograph she is wearing one of the more typical Portland, Oregon style hats. Jan and I spent a month out there but did not get Ellowyn started on a running/biking/swimming program yet.
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