By a Nose Hair

The following is a true story told to me by a close friend. Lou told me I could use this story for the blog as long as I didn't reveal his name. So, LK, this story is for you.

We’ve all gone through the trials and tribulations of learning all that goes with being a triathlete. This includes; getting in /out of a wet suit, getting on/off the bike without falling, clipping bike shoes on, remembering to remove goggles when transitioning to the bike, taking the bike helmet off before the run portion and so on. 

I shouldn’t have been surprised that selecting and using nose plugs for swimming would be so complicated. First, there are several types to choose from, ranging in price from about $3-$6. One had a strap that went around your head to secure. I used to wear one of those as a young teen and still bear the scars of taunts and spit balls from every kid who ever sat behind me in Junior high. (editorial note; why did Lou wear a nose plug in class? Aren’t they just for the pool?) Obviously the only choice was to buy the most expensive one, because we know the most expensive one is always the best. 

Finally I get in the pool. It only takes about 5 minutes to figure out how to wear my new plug. Surprisingly, it doesn’t go in your nose, but on the outside and pinches your nostrils shut! Who knew?? So off I go. After 1.5 laps it comes off and I find it floating 2 lanes away! Fortunately, I was the only one in the pool.  I reapply the plug differently. This works well for 2 whole laps and floats off.  After lots of experimentation, I manage to go 3-4 laps each time prior to losing the plugs. I was getting pretty good  swimming with one hand on nose and one in water. Is there a Jewish nose version?? BTW, no sneezing yet.

Reply from MW: “This is just a wild question that I know I will regret. Is there a chance you put this on wrong? Were there instructions? I know it is unlikely as you are MacGyver.”

Lou’s answer: “It didn’t involve any tools so I was pretty confident. There were some instructions, but it was written in Korean. In between her laughing, I asked the life guard if she knew how these worked, she just walked away mumbling something about having to check the Jacuzzi.”

Meb Keflezighi - Boston Winner

Excellent video from Runner's World with Meb, a few hours after he won the 2014 Boston marathon. I've been a fan of his for years. Meb seems like a really nice person in addition to being a world class athlete. Last year Meb was injured and couldn't compete in the marathon. He watched the race for hours cheering on runners and taking photographs, just like any fan of the sport.
Meb has nice things to say about average runners who participated in the race around the six minute mark of the video, so be sure to listen.

Meb Keflezighi interview

Thoughts Every Runner Has While Running

1. What a beautiful day for a run!
2. This sucks.
3. Well, five miles is only two and half miles each way, which is basically two miles each way, so I’m really only running four miles. That’s not too far.
4. It’s starting to feel far.
5. How long have I been running? A year? (MW says this all the time).
6. SIX MINUTES?!
7. I can barely remember what my life was like before I started this run.
8. OK, concentrate. There are still four-plus miles to go.
9. But who counts the first and last mile? This is pretty much an easy three miler.
10. Oh, shoot! A fellow runner! Should I wave?  I’m totally gonna wave.
11. OK, they didn’t wave back. Never doing that again.
12. Just keep running, no one saw, I hope.
13. Man, I think I’m hitting that “second wind” thing my gym coach was talking about.
14. Wait, never mind. I’ve been running down a decline.
15. If I leap to avoid dog shit, does that make me a CrossFit athlete?
16. What the heck is CrossFit anyway?
17. Mental reminder: Google CrossFit when I get home.
18. If I ever get home.
19. OK, I must be halfway done by now.
20. What?! Only two miles in?
21. Alright, stay focused…. What am I going to eat when I get home?
22. I’m running five miles so I should probably eat five slices of pizza. (this is Jan!)
23. I should probably get a side salad too.
24. ….Screw the salad, I can eat more pizza.
25. Man, what are these people doing in front of me? Walking?!
26. Is this a contest to see who the worst at walking is? Because you are both champions in my heart.
27. Maybe if I pound my feet on the ground they’ll hear me coming and let me pass.
28. Oh, God. They didn’t turn around and now I’m right behind them. They’re going to think they’re getting mugged by the world’s sweatiest criminal. (this is me)
29. You know what? Now seems like a good time to run in the street.
30. * Jumps off curb * Parkour!
31. Hey, hey, hey please don’t hit me with your car!
32. Pedestrian pedestrianizing over here let me cross.
33. Thank you, Mr. Blue Honda. I’m trying to smile at you but it probably looks like I’m having a stroke.
34. Actually, I wonder what I look like right now.
35. * Checks out reflection in shop window * Yeesh.
36. Is that what I look like when I run? What am I, a newborn deer with a drinking problem?
37. Whatever, I must be almost done by now.
38. Heck yes. Three miles down, two to go. It’s all downhill from here.
39. Except for that very real uphill in front of me. Damn it.
40. Wait, is that… Is that…
41. A DOG!
42. The owner says the classic line, “Don’t worry, he won’t bite”.
43. …As the dog is nipping my ankles.
44. Isn’t there a leash law in this town?
45. “Come back Snuffy”.
46. “Hey, you, runner, stop, I want my dog back you bastard.”
47. Finally a squirrel shows up. Dog takes off, owner still in pursuit,that only took half a mile.
48. Enough of interval running, must get heart rate back down.
49. Honestly, I don’t even like running.
50. Why do I even run?
51. Why does anyone even run?
52. Why are we even alive?
53. OK, let’s not go down that road.
54. Focus. Focus on that sweet, delicious pizza waiting at the finish line, calling your name with its cheesy breath.
55. Wait, less than one mile to go? I am KILLING this run.
56. I AM THE SWIFTEST GOD OF ALL TWO-LEGGED CREATURES.
57. YES, including ostriches.
58. Honestly, I should sign up for another marathon.
59. It’s only 26 miles, that’s not much more than today’s run.
60. That’s just 13 miles each way, which is practically 10, and 10 is twice five, and I can run five miles EASY.
61. That’s it, I’m doing it. Twenty-six miles.
62. 26 miles, a marathon…wait, a television marathon…The Big Bang marathon.
63. On second thought, I’ll probably just binge-watch every episode of The Big Bang. That takes a lot of dedication and I will be winded from laughing so hard.
64. But I could probably do a marathon IF I wanted.
65. OK, almost home. Should I shower first and order pizza or order pizza and shower before it shows up?
66. Yep, definitely ordering first. I learned that from past experience.
67. Oh, no. Oh god no. Another runner. Should I wave?
68. No, be strong! Do not get burned again.
69. OMG, SHE waved first! Hello! Yes! We are both runners! Look at us run!
70. I guess running’s not so bad.

(adapted from BuzzFeed Sports)

He's All Wet

Wednesday night after running I took a shower. Wednesday morning after biking I took a shower. Tuesday night after swimming lessons (where I got wet) I took a shower. Tuesday afternoon before swimming and getting wet, I ran and…you got it, took a shower.

A Sharpei dog has nothing over my shower created wrinkles. I collect bar soap and body wash coupons on a regular basis. I am the King of male soap couponing. I make sure to combine a store sale with the correct coupon. Right now I have a bar of soap and a bottle of body wash on the tub shelf. On my dresser are six bottles of body wash and the bathroom cupboard has eight bars of soap. These are all for me, I don’t share with Jan. Oh, and let’s not forget the body wash that is in my swimming bag and backpack, just in case. One never knows when an emergency shower situation might come up.

My collection includes Old Spice, because it suits a 50+ year old man and now comes in many scents. For bar soap I’m partial to Irish Spring. When I really feel wild I go for the AXE body wash. AXE makes me feel twenty years younger and Jan can’t keep her hands off me. Well, at least in my dreams she can’t.

Who would have thought training for triathlons would have made me into a soap expert? You’ll have to excuse me, I lifted weights before writing this article and feel the need to get clean. I think it’s an Old Spice night.

Do You Have a Running Problem?

The Office of Health Care Programs at Johns Hopkins University Hospital developed this screening quiz for alcoholics. The word “drinking”  has been replaced with “running.” Take the quiz to find out if you have a running problem.

1.      Do you lose time from work due to running?
2.     Is running making your home life unhappy?
3.     Have you had financial difficulties as a result of running?
4.     Do you run to escape from worries or trouble?
5.     Have you ever been to a hospital on account of running?
6.     Do you crave running at a definite time daily?
7.      Do you run alone?
8.     Do you find it necessary to run with companions every weekend, no matter what their pace?
9.     Have you ever been lost while running trails, and when you realized it, didn’t care?
10.  Has a physician ever treated you for running?

According to the experts at Johns Hopkins University Hospital*, answering “Yes” to even one of these questions is a sign that your running habit is harmful and you may be a run-o-holic. You probably have a serious mental illness, a shopping addiction to Fleet Feet Sports, and a problem with eating carbohydrates 80% of the time.

Seek an evaluation by a licensed healthcare professional as soon as possible. (Massage therapists/therapy, so that you can run more often, don’t count.)

*No one at Johns Hopkins had anything to say on this survey or possible running-related addictions. Yet. (adapted from a poll at the Horse Nation blog, April 2014).