Baseball Junk

Baseball has some strange names and a weird culture.

a. Why a "walkoff" home run, or "walkoff single"? How about something more normal and obvious, like Game Winning?

b. Sacrifice fly. What, they killed a goat in the field? Where's the barbeque?

c. They touch themselves entirely too much in areas I don't want to see them touching. People made a big deal out of Michael Jackson grabbing his crotch during songs. Watch a ball game and this is a common occurrence. Just keep your hands where they belong, which is to say, not in your pants during a game. And why do the tv cameras always have to show this? That's a bit weird too.

d. Spitting. Stop showing the dugout, please. Especially the managers. I don't want to ever have the job of cleaning a dugout and will never walk in front of one. Gross.

e. Do you really need to chew THAT much gum? Good, tobacco use seems to pretty much be done, but c'mon, can't you just have one piece of gum in there instead of the pack! Save some for others you hogs.

f. Seeds. Okay, you aren't a tobacco or gum chewer so you eat some kind of seed that involves spitting out the shell. Are you a pidgeon? Enough with the spitting already, again always on tv. If you are hungry go get a hot dog.

g. A-Rod is going to hit his 600th homerun soon. The media says no one cares because he admits to using drugs for a few years. I don't believe this argument. Everyone loved the battles between Bonds, Sosa and McGwire. Maybe A-Rod isn't getting the attention because he only has about 20 homers this year? I bet if he were up in the 40-60 range, or had a legit shot at that, the interest would really be there.

h. I hate this play; A possible base stealer is on first base and the pitcher lobs the ball to first so the runner doesn't take such a big lead. If you are going to throw to first, throw darnit, don't lob it like a tennis ball. The game could be sped up by giving a penalty to the pitcher for making a such a ridiculous toss.

i. How come the tv cameras don't scan the crowds and show all the beautiful women watching the game? Every other sport does this. Are there no women there? If not, maybe it's because they don't want to see the spitting or crotch grabbing?

j. Cheerleaders, where are they? Football and basketball, our two biggest sports, have cheerleaders. Why not baseball? That would give the cameras something to focus on when the pitcher takes too long to throw or there is a big meeting at the mound.

k. Which brings up my last point. Do you really need to hide your mouth behind your glove? Who in God's name is reading your lips? Just stop the insanity.