Triathlon Don'ts

If only I had my video camera. While working at the Pittsford Triathlon Sunday I had the honor of seeing events I had never before witnessed.

1. This triathlon is a 300 yard pool swim. Competitors start every 15 seconds and swim in lanes, going under the lane markers to continue. It is a short distance in a safe environment, perfect for newbies and those uncomfortable with the water. It's also nice for more experienced triathletes who prefer a sprint triathlon.
I was assigned to sit there and make sure everything went smoothly with the volunteers and swimmers. An easy assignment as the lifeguards in charge had been doing this for years. Around 250 swimmers began the race. One man, in his twenties, obviously was new to the idea of swimming and did the doggy paddle and water bobbed in the shallow sections, taking about 14 minutes to finish. It was exhausting just watching him.
After more than an hour the last competitors lined up. A gentleman, probably 60 or so, had on his wire rimmed glasses, no swim cap, no goggles. He began swimming with the elementary backstroke...slowly. He swam into the pool wall. Later, much later, he switched to the sidestroke...slowly. It took him 22 minutes to complete the swim. That is almost 4 minutes per 50 yards. The average finish time was 6-8 minutes.
These two swimmers were not my favorites of the day. That honor goes to another 60+ year old man whose excited wife took photos of him in the warmup area. Okay, fine, lots of people did that. Then she kissed him right before his start like she wasn't going to see him again (it's a pool, you can watch the entire time!). At the end of every 50 yards she took his photo again as he stopped and rested. Twice she kissed him at the end of the 50 (I'm not making this up). He finished in 18+ minutes. That's a long time to be in the pool for 300 yards. Maybe if his wife hadn't got him so excited with the kisses he would have finished sooner?

Oh- I followed the last swimmer out of the pool so the timing and race crews would know who to look for on the bike. Unfortunately the woman I followed turned out not to be the last person. The 22 minute man went to the locker room and completely changed before heading out for the bike. He wasn't any better on the bike or run either. Slow swim, 8mph on the bike, 14+ minute miles "running". wow.

2. The crew is watching transition, anxiously looking for the last bikers to arrive. Mister lovey-dovey man comes in on his commuter bike with the rack still on. His wife runs after him, ignoring the rule about competitors only in transition. Ignoring the race announcer stating, "racers only in transition". She helps him park his bike, takes his race number off the back of his shirt. He changes his shirt, she pins it on the front. Then he takes off his shorts, standing there in his jockeys, in the middle of transition. He puts on dry shorts. Not running shorts, just regular shorts. His wife takes a few photos, helps him with his running shoes and...kisses him. He's off! The wrong way. He can't find his way out of transition and runs to the wrong side.

Here are some triathlon race tips:

A. When you are getting ready to race a triathlon, look around the transition, start and finish areas. Try to figure out the logistics. When you see a giant inflatable arch that says "Bike Exit" and another one that says "Run Exit", realize that this is where you exit on your bike and the other one is to exit towards the run. Duh.

B. Take the commuter rack off your bike. Take all the extra weight off you can, why carry this stuff around during a race and make the event even harder?

C. This will be controversial in today's world of "just do it". Frickin' train for the event!! Learn to swim, at least a bit. I can handle the doggy paddle guy, just feel bad for all the energy he used and the people he bogged up in the pool. Same with elementary backstroke man, you are not the only person in the lane. I pray these people don't get into an open water event. Practice on the bike. I'm sorry, 8 mph is really slow. Really. It was a decent day, practice first.

D. Don't stand in transition in your underwear, unless you are a young, hot woman or man. No one wants to see that.

D. Racers only in transition. I'm pitifully slow in transition, but Jan has yet to help me change. Maybe that's why I have such troubles?