Aflac Spokesduck

Due to some comments made by Gilbert Gottfried, the voice behind the famous Aflac duck, he was fired and a campaign begun to find a replacement. It may not be widely known that Mike W. entered this contest. If you ever ran with MW, especially on Saturday morning long runs, you know that he makes excellent duck calls. He is an idiot savant when it comes to attracting ducks on the canal path. Mike has the uncanny ability to spot duck pooh from at least 10 feet away, saving the rest of us from landing in a squishy pile.

Unfortunately MW did not make the final cut for becoming the Spokesduck. Here are the top reasons why;

10. MW's skin is not downy soft (I don't know this from actually touching his skin, ewww, but have a good feeling this is true).
9. Unlike a duck, who easily floats and glides along the water, MW sinks.
8. Ducks have wide webbed feet, Mike's feet are wide, but not webbed.
7. Mike still has a slight Loooongg Island accent, despite Eileen's influence, and the selection committee didn't appreciate it like we all do.
6. There is such a thing as "Runner Ducks", I am not making this up. "Runner ducks are compared to the wine bottle due their shape and long legs." Alas, MW does not have long legs.
5.Runner ducks are quite friendly, but can easily panic if disturbed. Ever see Mike running in the dark at 5:30am, on a winter day, and begin to slip on some ice? That is a definition of panic. Due to this characteristic, Mike made it to the top 5,000 entries!
4.Runner ducks are prone to worms, and hence have to be de-wormed regularly every 5-6 months. Mike hates these doctor appointments.
3. Mike invited the judges to his home for a back-yard barbecue. He cooked one of his favorite meals...Peking duck. Big mistake.
2. Ducks seem to get chased by dogs quite often. Mike is a dog whisperer. A dog runs after him while out on a run and Mike gets so scared he can't speak in anything but a whisper. While Mike was doing a voice over test one of the Aflac Board members had a Chinese Crested Hairless dog in her arms. Mike couldn't do anything but whisper into the microphone.

1. Ducks waddle when they run or walk. Mike...Hey, actually MW does waddle, maybe he should have won the contest!